Commitment
by ubyrai
Summary: With love comes commitment, devotion, hurt and pain. He built the walls that surrounded him in order to keep the feeling out. To avoid the torture of losing something so important once again. Written for the drrr kink meme. Rated for later chapters.


**A/N: **_I wasn't originally planning on uploading this to ff .net... but a friend convinced me to.  
><em>_It's being writen for the drrr kink meme. _

_Original prompt:_

_Shizuo and Izaya are in an established relationship and they manage to make it work (whether or not Izaya is still doing his work is up to anon~) with just one exception:_ _Izaya has trouble keeping his promises. (whether it's missing a birthday, date, or even their anniversary of being together)_  
><em>Anon wants Shizuo to give Izaya an ultimatum stating that if he doesn't show up for the their next time out, then Shizuo will break up with him. Izaya has full intentions for the first time to keep the promise only...something prevents him from making it. Shizuo breaks up with him and Izaya tries anything to get back together with him.<em>  
><em>Whether that happens or not is up to anon. <em>

_BONUS for any and all smut~_

_Link is here, http:/ drrrkink. livejournal. com ?view=17319512#t17319512  
><em>_Take out the spaces. : )_

_The meme version of this will probably be updated faster than . _

_Anyway, I'll shut up now._

* * *

><p>It wasn't like he was <em>uncomfortable. <em>Quite contrary.

…Too comfortable?

That sounded plausible.

Izaya didn't move, settling on simply sliding his tired eyes closed once again, ignoring the unsettling feeling that twisted in his stomach every time the warm air blew gently over the back of his neck.

This was wrong. He was scared.

He was uncomfortable about how so fucking comfortable this was.

Yet he made no move to escape the safe hold of Ikebukuro's most notorious debt collector.

The sun seeped into the measly excuse of a bedroom through grey moth eaten curtains, projecting pinhole circles of light around the room. Shizuo's apartment -if you could even call it that- was exceedingly cramped, the entire living space consisted of exactly 3 rooms. Lounge and kitchen, compressed into one. The bedroom, in which a double bed was placed next to the window, and a table that the blond kept his phone, sunglasses, cigarettes and lighter on. To the right of the bed was an ensuite bathroom with enough space for a shower, toilet –with little to no leg room- and a basin, a toothpaste stained mirror hanging above.

But for some reason he found himself wanting to stay in this run down dump rather than his overly spacious modern apartment. This not being the first time Izaya had woken up in the same bed as the man who, not so long ago would have ripped your throat out for even mentioning the brunette that was pressed up against his bare chest.

Izaya stiffened as the arm around his waist tightened, the rhythmic breathing on the nape of his neck paused, the blond waking up. Shizuo buried his nose in the brunette's hair, mumbling a good morning to which Izaya didn't respond.

"Izaya?" The ex bartender questioned, lifting his head when said brunette didn't answer. "You can't be still asleep. It's impossible for anyone to be that tense while unconscious."

Izaya sighed, flipping over to press his face into Shizuo's warm chest. The blond's fingers traced circles on his lower back, just above the waistband of his boxers. "Sorry, 'morning."

"You ok?" Concern littered in his tone. Izaya hated it. It made his stomach churn, remnants of the dinner that Shizuo had cooked him last night threating to make their way up his oesophagus again.

Cue disgustingly perfected mask.

"I'm perfectly fine Shizu-chan." Izaya sat up and out of the blond's horribly secure arms, swinging his legs over the side of the bed before standing up on unsure feet, weak from fatigue.

"I have work to do today." The informant stated, slipping the shirt that was discarded last night back over his head, pants following suit. "I'll talk to you later ok?"

"Do you want to meet up for lunch then?" Shizuo offered, sliding out of the bed also, handing the brunette his jacket on the way.

Izaya hid his disinterest, closing his crimson eyes that would be putting the fear he felt on display. He slid the fur trimmed jacket over his shoulders, shoving his hands in his pockets, feeling a sense of uttermost security when he made contact with his flick blade.

With new confidence Izaya grinned at the half naked man in front of him, forcing himself not to stare at his well-toned body. "I dunno Shizu-Chan, I'm a busy man~." With that he turned and waved a goodbye over his shoulder, exiting the room then the apartment.

_x-x-x_

He hated himself for this.

For already loving Shizuo like he did.

The informant was scared.

Scared of falling too hard, just like he had made the mistake of doing once before. It had shattered his world to pieces, like a fist through glass, cutting at the skin, leaving permanent scars.

He'd made a vow to never let himself become that vulnerable again, to never let himself hurt as much as he had that time.

He liked to think that Shizuo was different.

That the blond wouldn't hurt him like that.

It made him sick to think otherwise.

_x-x-x_

The informant was flipping through the files that his assistant had thrown in front of him that morning when the shrill of his phone's ring tone made him jump. Sighing he shut the folder, reading the caller name as he pushed the paper aside.

'_Shizu-Chan.'_

The brunette had half the thought of not picking up, heart already pounding way too fast in his chest. The debt collector would be wanting to take him out for that lunch Izaya had said (read: lied) that he was too busy to attend. As much as the informant would have liked to take up on the offer, the cons of the situation out weighed the pros. What if people saw them? What would people think? The two most infamous males in Ikebukuro sharing a meal? How wrong. What would it mean for them? Would they have to start using the 'l' word? Because he sure as hell was not ready for that. In Izaya's books, the word lovers was a taboo. It made his gut clench in disgust. Orihara Izaya did not love individuals, simply people in general.

Then again Shizuo wasn't defined as human was he? Izaya had said it himself, the man was a monster.

"Are you going to stop staring and pick it up like you're supposed to?" The almost irritated voice of his assistant resonated from the top level of his very own library of information.

He glared at her before snatching the phone off its charger.

"Shizu-chan~! How nice of you for calling!" Izaya sung, spinning around in his swivel chair, looking out the window and over Shinjuku. Acting normal though his heart was palpitating twice the healthy resting pace.

"Mmm, yeah." The voice that he had somehow grown to love answered. He tried to ignore the unsettling twisting of his stomach.

"What can I do for you~?"

"Are we going to meet up or what?" Straight to the point.

Izaya readied his excuse, having already thought of a lie during the course of the morning, expecting the brute to call

"As much as I'd like to Shizu-Chan, I have an appointment with a client this afternoon, can't be missed." He paused. "Or rescheduled for that matter."

Izaya heard the blond sigh, street noise becoming audible the longer they stayed quiet. The only other sound, a click of what he assumed to be a cigarette lighter as Shizuo lit up one of those cancer sticks he was so addicted to.

He'd like to say he felt bad for not joining his… whatever the hell they were, for lunch. But that would be lying, and Izaya was doing enough of that these days as it was.

The informant was in a relationship with a guy who didn't pry. He was glad that Shizuo wasn't asking him the details of his 'appointment'. Though the brunette still felt uncomfortable that the man on the other end of the line hadn't yet said anything.

"…Sorry." Izaya mumbled another lie, not able to stand the awkwardness of the silence any longer.

"It's fine." Another pause while Shizuo breathed deeply, inhaling toxic smoke purposely. "But flea, promise me something?"

Izaya smirked at the use of the nickname. Though things were… less violent between the two, Shizuo had kept the name. Just as the blond has learned to deal with being called Shizu-chan.

"Sure." Izaya responded, the word rolling off his tongue before he could stop himself. The informant cussed, wishing he had thought about the response before speaking it without a second thought. Don't get him wrong; it's not that he didn't trust Shizuo, because he certainly did, almost too much. It was the lingering fact that the blonde could ask him anything, and unfortunately there were certain things the Izaya could not promise the blond.

"Lets stay at your place tonight."

That for example.


End file.
